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Opinion: The top 9 biggest possible Nevada news events


No matter how the Democrats play it, the news of a Republican win in the Massachusetts senate race was a big deal. It got me thinking about what could be big news here in Nevada. Sure, Harry Reid losing would be big, but what else could happen that would really grab the nation’s attention? I assembled the crackerjack Not-Ready-For-Letterman News Team for a little brainstorming.

The top 9 biggest news events possible in Nevada that could rival the outcome of the Massachusetts senate vote are…

9. Sue Lowdon announces she’s actually a man.

8. Harry Reid, speaking before the Nevada Chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, uses the word “negro”, but pronounces it “naaahgraaah”.

7. The vote to unseat Harry Reid is diluted after every man, woman, and child in the state, enters the Republican primary race.

6. Danny Tarkanian stuns Tea Party revelers by not only saying nice things about their causes, but by actually showing up at one of their rally’s.

5. As part of a new fiscal austerity program, the governor’s mansion is declared a toxic asset, bundled with the eastern shore of Walker Lake and a vacant lot at Hallelujah Junction, they are sold to JP Morgan/Chase for $1.4 trillion. The new Governor’s Residence will be a room at the El Cortez.

4. A day goes by without a single Republican starting a new Facebook group.

3. After serving out his term, Jim Gibbons joins a monastery. John Ensign announces his intention to join his friend there, just as soon as he’s done milking the senate retirement plan for all it’s worth.

2. After looking over the field of candidates, Nevada Republicans start a write-in campaign to have Dean Heller serve in every public office there is.

And the number one biggest possible news event in Nevada that could rival the Massachusetts senate vote is…

1. Barbara Vukanovich comes out of retirement and kicks everybody’s ass.