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Opinion: Why Limit Death Panel to Children and the Elderly?


Just as I was giving up hope that the health care debate would serve no useful purpose, along comes Sarah Palin to the rescue. I think a Death Panel is a terrific idea. Not so much for the elderly, but I have long felt that what unruly children need is a good consultation regarding end of life scenarios. Threatening them with a trip to the Congressional Death Panel might be just what the doctor ordered.

I was discussing other possible candidates yesterday with Carrie, a friend at work. She suggested that people who leave their dogs in cars, with overturned water bowls, while they’re in Baldini’s Casino gambling, would make excellent nominees for a Death Panel Review. I offered the check-out lady at the grocery store. She’s always gabbing with the person who has already bought their stuff and is trying to leave, while the people in line in front of me wait patiently. Oh, how I would love to see that lady hauled into a Senatorial Death Chamber for a little face-time with the authorities.

Now, we can assume the Democrats will win the argument in the end, they have the numbers. We can also assume that whatever government program is created, it will expand over time, and we know that every government program has an advocacy group. Therefore, today I am announcing the formation of the “Citizen’s Death Panel Advisory Council” (CDPAC) Motto: There’s no problem a Death Panel can’t solve.

There are no dues to pay, no monthly meetings, in fact, this being the Internet, you don’t even have to put on your pants to join. Personally, I would really dig it if we had a secret handshake, but we can discuss that later. For now, put on your grumpy-hats, tie a nice big knot in your digital panties, and submit your nominations in the comments. The council is always in session.